Forget to Remember
by The Lady Avaritia
Summary: Itachi slowly begins to forget his family, and he barely remembered them in the first place.


**Title: **Forget to Remember

**Rating: **T  
><strong>Spoilers: <strong>general

**Characters**: Itachi

**Summary: ** Itachi slowly begins to forget his family, and he barely remembered them in the first place.

**Disclaimer: **disclaimed

**Author Note:** This is kind of based on my own life… Oh, if you review, put the word FOOL! Somewhere in your review. I want to know how many people actually read the ANs.

**Author: **_Lady Avaritia_

Itachi can barely remember his family. He had always had a slight problem with remembering things, but he hadn't paid it much heed until he joined the Akatsuki.

Of course, he'd noticed that even before he deflected from Konoha, that he had trouble with recalling specific events, such as family meetings, talks with his father, time spent at home. At first it was just little things, such as what Fugaku had said, and then it became more serious, with entire conversations missing from his mind. He knew, he'd been in the house, he knew he'd talked to his father, but couldn't recall any further details if Sasuke's life depended on it. If anyone asked him, a conversation had been basically

'Blablablablablablablabla – the clan- blablablablabla –your future-blablablablabla.'

Still, the boy had put it to too much stress that was preventing him from remembering more unimportant things, and all his conversations with family members went the same way anyway.

However, it had been nearly three months since he'd joined the Akatsuki, and with growing alarm Itachi started realizing that whole chunks of his life in Konoha were turning rapidly into blank spots down his memory lane. He couldn't recall what his mother had cooked on her last day alive, and that was a recent memory! He couldn't remember his cousin Kyoko's wedding, and that was an important memory. Eventually, he set his mind to consult the only person whom he trusted enough to ask for some kind of explanation.

-x-

Itachi entered Madara's office after a polite knock. The oldest Uchiha was seated behind a gigantic mahogany desk covered in papers that were spilling out on the floor, and stewing out of the wastebasket. Organization was not Madara's strong point.

'Itachi,' the Akatsuki leader greeted and raised his head from the current financial budget of the organization.

'I want to speak to you, Madara-sama,' Itachi said softly. Red eyes glinted in the semi-darkness of the room, and the elder inclined his head to the side as a silent permission to continue. He'd never admit it out loud, but Madara had a soft spot for the fallen prodigy who reminded him so much of his younger brother.

'I seem to be… forgetting things,' the young missing nin said, brow furrowing.

'What things?'

'The Uchiha…They are… fading away, so to speak.'

Madara locked gazes with the wall slightly to the left on Itachi's head, which apparently, had become the most interesting object in the room, if not the world. He took a breath, and held it in his lungs.

'Explain,' he ordered quietly, and the air left his lungs wheezing.

'I can't seem to be able to recall… certain events,' Itachi paused for a moment. 'I have always had a problem with that. Sometimes, I found myself having no idea what was discussed on a family council meeting in spite of having been attentive at all times.'

'Does this… forgetfulness, include other parts of your life?'

'Not as far as I can tell. Only the Uchiha seem to fade from my mind… I –' he chocked on his own voice, and Madara saw the raw agony etched clearly on the handsome young face. With catlike grace he got up, and circled the desk and the mass of papers until he was directly in front of the prodigy.

'I'm afraid I will forget them,' Itachi whispered. If he spoke any louder, the sound would shatter his last vestiges of control, and the tears he'd refused to shed for the past months would finally spill.

With a gasp he found himself pulled into a warm and secure embrace. Madara put his strong arms around the frail body, and pressed Itachi close to his chest. The boy melted into the hug. An offering of comfort he had never received before, least of all from somebody who bore the name Uchiha.

'Maybe it's better that way,' Madara spoke quietly. 'Maybe you should forget them, let them be just a part of vague awareness… just dead bodies…'

'No!' with sudden force Itachi pulled himself away from his relative, and stood straight, charcoal eyes burning.

'I came here because I want to remember them! Not because I want to forget! I came for answers, and you provide me only with an empty suggestion that can't even be called a solution,' he spoke quietly, coldly; his voice once again cold and controlled. Madara sighed.

'I will tell you the psychological reason why you forget your family, though I have the distinct feeling you already know what I am about to say, but refuse to accept it.'

The fact that Madara had said '**your** family' did not go unnoticed.

'When we go through something unpleasant, our mind tries to erase it, to blank out the details, to wipe out the entire ordeal, so as not to have you suffer from a hurtful memory… My assumption, and it is only that, is that all your life, you've subconsciously attempted to block out the Uchiha. That family, those people, who did nothing for you, who did not comfort you, who did not love you, who did not care about anything but your top scores… and all the pain it caused you… You know where I'm going with that.'

'I loved my family,' Itachi said harshly, almost angrily through his clenched teeth.

Madara ran a hand through his wild hair, pale fingers getting tangled in the mass of raven locks.

'I am not saying that you didn't,' he spoke finally. Itachi shook his head desperately.

'I don't want to forget,' he whispered through thin lips.

'We all forget eventually, Itachi. We all forget that which hurts us. Ask Sasori if he remembers his grandmother, ask Kisame if he recalls his last talk with the Mizukage, ask me if I remember the Senju… We all forget, Itachi, and it is better that way. That which hurt us still should be buried, and forgotten,' somewhere among that little speech, Madara had drawn Itachi into his hands yet again. Thin pale hands were fisted in the elder's black silk shirt, and Itachi had buried his face into Madara's shoulder, harsh sobs racking his thin frame.

'You won't forget them completely, I can promise you that much… But they will fade away, all of them, one by one, until you have just a value recollection that you once called them family, and that you loved them all very much… And that love too will fade in time. If you live as long as me… you may even forget the pain that stains your lips when you speak of them…'

-x-

A nine year old Sasuke briefly wondered if he should tell someone that he was beginning to lose memories of his traitorous aniki.


End file.
